The maze

Well in some ways alot has changed. Then again I guess I'll still always be me. I went to pet grooming school. Back home now though. I made alot of friends that I miss alot. Being home is not so great though. Every one I once was really close to hows their own important lives now. And look at me still where I've always been.

Idk y I still come here. I have no friends here really and I doubt any one reads what I post. But the thought that I have random words floating on line is kool. Some day some one will find me on here.

Well Monday was my 22nd B-day. I got a great new tat. Its a lotus flaower. I was really happy to have friends there. We took pics and everything. Over all it was a good day. I wish Jay could have been here. Oh well I guess I should be use to this by now.

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Hey I am at my friends house soon to be my new home. Idk what to do my friend and her husband are out. I have their kitten on my lap. He is so cute but i have a weakness for black cats. I got to talk to Jay today and it was nice but it makes it hard too. He may be coming to see me soon and I am really happy about that. But knowing my life and the way things go for me he won't be able to. Hope all is well with you all.
VA

Ok so I haven't been on in like forever. Not that it matters no one reads this anyway. Not that I blame them ofc. Well my life is going crazy but atleast somethings never change. I am moving soon, if i can ever get it together.Mrutunjaya and I are getting to talk a lil after like 4 months or so of not being able to. Ofc we only get to chat on msn but its better then nothing.I am back on Runescape and thats nice. I never want to miss 6 months of that game again, so much has changed. I miss the hell out of here but with out my own internet acess thats hard to fix. I hope who ever reads this is well. Oh and I am going to be an aunt in may. Just so you know.
Vampyress A

I want away from here. I want a new life. Is that bad? I hope not, I really think a new place and starting over would do me a world of wonders but I doubt I'll ever get out of this hell i live in. Watch I'll die here.

I don't know why I try. I found a saying I really like not long ago. " My mind tells me to give up but my heart won't let me." I never have gotten anything really right. Last week sucked so bad there isn't even words for it. No power for two and a half days dog died and no water for one day. Ofcourse no the water has no perssure so i might as wash in the sink case taking a shower doesn't really work. Also means can't wash clothes or the dishes. I feel empty and I don't know what to do.

Another night on seeing no one and playing rune scape. My life is so great. Well any ways I am trying to make an effort to write here more often. I no longer keep journals in real life and I hate to post things on myspace. I had this years before i had myspace anyways. I know I really only have one friend on here but thats ok. I'll make more maybe and if not one is better then nothing. As of late I have become strange, not that i haven't always been, just strange for me. I hate this place I am stuck in but oh well i'll eather get away some day or die here. I guess I'll be ok in the long run but idk.

Have you ever been walking around doing this or that, nothing much, and realized that you are not the same person any more. It hits you out of nowhere, you no longer feel the same way about things or handle things like you use to. The worst part is you have no idea how or when this happened. It is a crazy feeling at first, you no longer are the you you have always been and known. In the end I guess it just takes time to get use to the new you. I have changed and it scares me to tell the truth. I don't know when it happened I just know I am not the same. The way I feel about things is different and the way I deal with the bs in my life is different. I hate to say it but I kinda want to give up. "My mind tells me to give up but my heart won't let me." I want away from here more then ever. I have been thinking about running away, but then where would I go, what would I do. I sometimes think if I had a friend out there somewhere maybe they could help me get away. I need away from here, I feel its the only thing that can save me. I'm not nor do I wish to be Autumn anymore. She is dieing and when she is gone I'll be stuck here with her ghost and I don't want that.

Wow, I spend way too much time online. I play an online game called Runescape and I am always on myspace then I have this plus two poem shites I work off of. I chat all the dang time to. What has become of me? It's all Jays fault (lol not really but I can't blame me). Life is more or less the same everyday. I don't do much and if it wasn't for the internet I'd have no life at all. How sad.

I know I have been gone from here for a long time. I have been trying to get my poems out in the world and to do something with them. I am on myspace now under vampyress a and also for my poems kirei no aki.